Why Two Mommies Is One Too Many

22 07 2013

maryheatherx

Mary Cheney, former Vice President Cheney’s daughter is raising a child with her lesbian partner. Politics aside, what kind of family environment is best for the health and development of children, and, by extension, the nation at large.

With all due respect to Cheney and her partner, the majority of more than 30 years of social-science evidence indicates that children do best on every measure of well-being when raised by their married mother and father. That is not to say Cheney and Poe will not love their child. But love alone is not enough to guarantee healthy growth and development. The two most loving women in the world cannot provide a daddy for a little boy–any more than the two most loving men can be complete role models for a little girl.

The voices that argue otherwise tell us more about our politically correct culture than they do about what children really need. The fact remains that gender matters–perhaps nowhere more than in regard to child rearing. The unique value of fathers has been explained by Dr. Kyle Pruett of Yale Medical School in his book Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. Pruett says dads are critically important simply because “fathers do not mother.” Psychology Today explained in 1996 that “fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children.” A father, as a male parent, makes unique contributions to the task of parenting that a mother cannot emulate, and vice versa.

According to educational psychologist Carol Gilligan, mothers tend to stress sympathy, grace and care to their children, while fathers accent justice, fairness and duty. Moms give a child a sense of hopefulness; dads provide a sense of right and wrong and its consequences. Other researchers have determined that boys are not born with an understanding of “maleness.” They have to learn it, ideally from their fathers.

But set aside the scientific findings for a minute. Isn’t there something in our hearts that tells us, intuitively, that children need a mother and a father? Admittedly, that ideal is not always possible. Divorce, death, abandonment and unwed pregnancy have resulted in an ever growing number of single-parent families in this culture. We admire the millions of men and women who have risen to the challenge of parenting alone and are meeting their difficult responsibilities with courage and determination. Still, most of them, if asked, would say that raising children is a two-person job best accomplished by a mother and father.

In raising these issues, Focus on the Family does not desire to harm or insult women such as Cheney and Poe. Rather, our conviction is that birth and adoption are the purview of married heterosexual couples. Traditional marriage is God’s design for the family and is rooted in biblical truth. When that divine plan is implemented, children have the best opportunity to thrive. That’s why public policy as it relates to families must be based not solely on the desires of adults but rather on the needs of children and what is best for society at large.

mary-cheney-01-435

This is a lesson we should have learned from no-fault divorce. Because adults wanted to dissolve difficult marriages with fewer strings attached, reformers made it easier in the late 1960s to dissolve nuclear families. Though there are exceptions, the legacy of no-fault divorce is countless shattered lives within three generations, adversely affecting children’s behavior, academic performance and mental and physical health. No-fault divorce reflected our selfish determination to do what was convenient for adults, and it has been, on balance, a disaster.

We should not enter into yet another untested and far-reaching social experiment, this one driven by the desires of same-sex couples to bear and raise children. The traditional family, supported by more than 5,000 years of human experience, is still the foundation on which the well-being of future generations depends.

JAMES C. DOBSON

First published in Time Magazine


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54 responses

13 08 2013
Andrew Lohn

Either way, I’m all for this social experiment. Same sex couples (in the modern post-nuclear world, at least) is a very new thing. Kids take what they can get. I don’t think our species will go extinct if two women want to have a baby together. Maybe that kid’s life is a tad bit harder… so what? It’ll build character.

13 08 2013
Erica Marcum

It is always better and actually more financially responsible to raise a child with two parents rather than one. Whether it be two moms, two dads, or the traditional mom and dad.

I feel like a child can have a male role model or father figure in their life, but that person doesn’t have to live in the home with the child(ren). So a mentor, Uncle, older brother, grandfather, etc. can fill this role. And then what is the problem +Chinwuba Iyizoba ???

Or would you rather that child be raised on government assistance and welfare bc of being raised in a single parent househo

13 08 2013
Editor

+Erica Marcum the question is not what is better, but what is best for children. Granted a number of accidental circumstances can make any type of child upbringing permissible, but in a best case scenario, we find that a stable husband/ wife relationship is best for children. Professor Regnerus’s studied and interviewed 15,000 adults aged 18-39 and asked dozens of questions about their lives, including whether their mother or father had ever been involved in a same-sex relationship. Among those whose parents had been involved in same-sex relationships, the outcomes were significantly worse than for children raised by married mothers and fathers. Even after controlling for factors such as age, race, gender or the gay-friendliness of the state in which they lived, those raised in homes with one (or more) gay parents reported that they experienced more depression, ill health, unemployment, infidelity, drug use, trouble with the law, sexual partners, sexual victimization, and unhappy childhood memories. 

13 08 2013
Andrew Lohn

I feel like they are confusing “traditional families” with “nuclear families.” A traditional family would have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins… plenty of male role models, even if a kid does have two moms. A nuclear family has one mom, one dad and 2.5 kids.

13 08 2013
Editor

+Andrew Lohn You are right, but no cousin, aunt or uncle could play the role a father plays, or a mother for that matter

13 08 2013
Mark P

“Other researchers have determined that boys are not born with an understanding of “maleness.” They have to learn it, ideally from their fathers.”

If it’s not inherent or inborn, doesn’t that make it a social construct?

This is really a bad article, filled with fallacious and emotional arguments.

13 08 2013
Editor

+Mark P. Why is it that when people can’t fight facts with facts, they fight them with name-calling.”

13 08 2013
Mark P

Chinwuba Iyizoba What name calling are you referring to?

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

apparently not…

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

Hey, no need to be “namecalling” I am a Christian.. but you say it like I am an atheist.. I guess the bottom line is … I believe what I believe.. you believe what you believe

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

billions.. I am related to too many of them..

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Callaghan Ziegler You’re missing the point. The bible does not say its a sin to raise a child by yourself because one parent died. The bible does say many times that Homosexuality is a sin. I also believe in human rights. But when the decisions of man disagree with what God has said, that’s when I have a problem.

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

you are talking Old Testament right?.. that is all before Christ.. when Christ came everything changed…and God accepts everyone.

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Paul also mentioned it at the beginning of Romans. As in, New Testament. Plus, sin does not change over time. The Old Testament sins are still sins now. Why else would anyone bother with the Ten Commandments if sins from then are no longer sins because Jesus came.

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

ok I reread my comment and it didn’t sound right. I hate getting into debates about this subject

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

I’m just spitting the truth here. 

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

Callaghan Ziegler22 Jul 20131

I am just “spitting” how some americans feel..

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

but then again there are many that are set in their Christian ways

13 08 2013
Editor

+Callaghan Ziegler Imagine if we had Alcoholic’s Rights, Pedophile Rights, Cannibal Rights, think, what will happen to society? You see, our desires, cannot be a Right. If that were true, we would have real trouble

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

+Chinwuba Iyizoba EXACTLY! We cannot gratify our sinful pleasures. Sometimes what seems to be right and good isn’t always that. Yes gay rights seems right. Our country was built on equality, but what the founding fathers really said was for there to be equal enforcement of rights. Not equal rights in general. 

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

How many Cannibals do you think are in our society?

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

How many people are on drugs?

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

There’s your answer.

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

I still don’t think it is fair…

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

If God were fair we’d be burning in Hell so Ms. Christian, realize that fair is not always right.

13 08 2013
Editor

+Brandon Parfait you have the wisdom of King Solomon

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

+Chinwuba Iyizoba Well I do read the Bible a lot….but I wouldn’t say that exactly

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Ehh I guess you never heard the song huh? Oh well. Forget the name calling then

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

..I don’t see it as a sin… but everyone sins.. we break commandments everyday..

13 08 2013
Editor

Callaghan Ziegler doesnt it bother you that Gays are the only group of people that identify themselves by their sex life. I mean, everyone else is a doctor, engineer..etc Queer!

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

thing is.. I believe in Gay Rights… I am a christian don’t get me wrong.. but I believe in Gay Rights

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Well what it’s saying is that if a boy has two moms how is he gonna learn to be a man? And vice versa. The moms could try but it wouldn’t be the same. How is a dad gonna talk to his daughter about all the puberty stuff he didn’t have to deal with because he’s a dude. Guys don’t have periods. We need both genders present to lead by example for their children.  Oh yeah, let them have their rights. That doesn’t change the fact that what they do is still a sin and their children will be different. 

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

what if a parent in a Mom/Dad situation dies…. then they will be in the same boat.. everyone has family or friends that they can go to if they feel that they are not getting adequate information..

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

I think kids only have a problem if other people make it a problem.. there is nothing wrong with 2 mothers… or two fathers for that matter…why is it such a big issue?

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Did you read the thing? +Callaghan Ziegler

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

I did

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

Then it should make sense.

13 08 2013
Callaghan Ziegler

but it doesn’t to me

13 08 2013
Brandon Parfait

AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH!

13 08 2013
Editor

Yes +Brandon Parfait, it sure is

13 08 2013
Brooke Johnson

Chinwuba Iyizoba How can you even logically compare wanting to adopt children to being an alcoholic, drug addict or pedophile? I never called you any names. Looks like your delusional.

13 08 2013
Robt.D. McKenzie

CORE= Continue the species
Assure survival
Improve welfare
Pass it on

13 08 2013
Brooke Johnson

You can only really believe this if you think a) the nuclear family is something ancient. It isn’t, it didn’t even exist until the turn of the last century b) you think single parenting or gay parenting is new. It isn’t. Gay individuals have been adopting in Native American communities for thousands of years and widows have been raising children for probably even longer than that c) You think there is some significant difference between the way men and women parent or men and women in general. I think these differences are socially constructed.

So what core principles? Where do they come from? From which cultures? Are they really the best way of raising children? It seems like the “core principles” you are talking about are based on modern western thinking (and mythology about the past) not reality.

13 08 2013
Editor

+Brooke Johnson Of course there is a difference in male and female parenting. My goodness, take a good hard look at yourself if you are female and tell me what you find different between you and the macho man downstairs or at the office. Let face it. Only heterosexual parents offer children the opportunity to develop relationships with a parent of the same, as well as the opposite sex. Relationships with both sexes early in life make it easier for a child to relate to both sexes later in life. For a girl, that means she’ll better understand and appropriately interact with the world of men and be more comfortable in the world of women. And for a boy, the converse will hold true. Having a relationship with “the other” — an opposite sexed parent — also increases the likelihood that a child will be more empathetic and less narcissistic. 

13 08 2013
Brooke Johnson

Right, because children raised by gay parents will never be exposed to their gay parents friends, family or members of their wider community of the opposite gender. They will only go to gay school, gay sports and be involved in gay activities. You’re completely full of shit. BTW I hate to break it to you, but macho men are typically gay, so we usually have quite a bit in common. 

13 08 2013
Editor

+Brooke Johnson there you go, name calling never does any good to the one who use it. Be that as it may, one can disagree with Gays ideology without hating Gays, I dont hate gays.I think they are mistaken for trying to make there desires a way of life. I am not full of shit either. Just think of where we would be if every desire was made a Right.Then we would have Alcoholic Right, pedophile Right, Drug Addict Right. Come to think of it, there million of people in US who use drugs for pleasure. Exposure to peer and friends is not exactly the same as bringing up a child. I have many friends and I am exposed to their kids, but I shy away from claiming that I help raise these kids, no I wont say that. There is a lot more involved which I know I shall never get involved.

13 08 2013
Brooke Johnson

BTW, you realize that children have essentially ALWAYS been raised by women right?

13 08 2013
Robt.D. McKenzie

+Brooke Johnson does,”You just wait until your father gets home” ring any bells?

Since we’ve branched off from hunter/gatherers and farmers the extent of the roles the provider plays is dictated by the value of labor and the illusion of security.

The condition of society now owes a lot to absentee parents from two working parents or single parent households.

Children need someone to provide for AND look after them. Constantly.

It’s becoming more common for women to be the best providers and men the nurturers.

I had no problems raising my daughter until she turned 11. By then my wife and I were working from home, so that worked out.

How we get our rocks off is our own business. As long as it doesn’t conflict with the core principles.

13 08 2013
Robt.D. McKenzie

I can’t say what God has in mind. I’m personally convinced it’s purely good and right. I suspect God intends men and women to parent children. There’s a couple clues, and they’re not alike.

The goal here is to continue the species and adapt it for tomorrow.

Who knows? Maybe taking some genes out of the pool is a good thing. They’re not content doing it to themselves though.

Through organization, indoctrination, education and active recruitment they seem to want to replicate themselves in alternative ways.

Entering into any kind of relationship should require informed consent.

13 08 2013
Debbie Micev

“The traditional family, supported by more than 5,000 years of human experience, is still the foundation on which the well-being of future generations depends.”

Yes, and our future generations are all turning out so well. 

13 08 2013
Editor

Yes +Debbie Micev, we dont want to make the future generation any worse, do we?

13 08 2013
Editor

+Debbie Micev Is there a more obvious product of heterosexual behavior than the creation of children? If so then isn’t it somewhat peculiar that those who shun the behavior of heterosexuality so deeply crave the product that it brings? Let’s face it in America today if we bring up such obvious inconsistencies we are immediately branded and labeled a bigot. The fake act of two women supposedly “becoming parents.” Argue all you like — the truth is Mary Cheney’s baby will share DNA with Mary and the male DNA donor. Genetically he/she will share nothing with Cheney’s partner Heather Poe

13 08 2013
Theresa Partterson

Love has no face or mind or belief, it simply is energy given and received. I send you love.

13 08 2013
Editor

Love has no face or mind or belief, it simply is energy given and received. I send you love.

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