Today, purity and chastity seems out of fashion. Girls see sex as the ultimate fulfillment of their relationship with guys. Sexually active guys were considered “winners” and sexually active girls are called “experienced.” On the other hand, someone who saves his or her virginity for marriage is taken to be a prude, sexually incapable, or repressed by the Church. However, the reality is completely the opposite. Let’s take a look at 10 reasons why I did not loose my virginity to my boyfriend until we got married and why I am happy about it.
1. Because our relationship was not hinged on sex, we had good communication between us. This was because we were not just focused on pleasure but on the joy of sharing our views and experiences with each other; moreover, our conversations became deeper. By contrast, many of my girlfriends who had sex with their boyfriends complained of lack of emotional intimacy with their partners despite the physical intimacy. Sex is an easy way to relate, but it overshadows other forms of communication. It is a way of avoiding the real work involved in emotional intimacy, like talking about deep personal issues and working on the basic differences between the two of you.
- My boyfriend and I had deep conversations and shared interests. Sex can lead teenage girls to think they are emotionally close to guys, when in fact they are not. A romantic relationship essentially consists in cultivating a friendship, and there is no friendship without conversation and shared interests. Personal conversation creates friendships and helps us to discover one another and get to know the other’s qualities and flaws. Some young people are driven by passion, and when they get to know each other more deeply, they end up disenchanted. And they did not get to know each other because they never got to be friends; instead, they were “friends with benefits.”
- My boyfriend and I were good friends with our parents. When guys and girls respect each other, their love matures and improves their friendship with both sets of parents. Generally, parents prefer their unmarried children to live lives of sexual continence, and they are concerned if they know their children are sexually active without being married. When a couple knows they have to hide their sexual relations, their guilt and stress grow. Couples who decide to wait relate more amicably with their own parents and with their beloved’s parents.
- My boyfriend and I felt free to question whether we should continue the relationship. Sexual relationships have the power to strongly unite two people, and can prolong an unhealthy relationship based on physical attraction or the need for security. A person may feel “trapped” in a relationship that they would like to end, but they can’t find their way out. A person who is not having sex can more easily break the emotional bond to the other, because there has not been such powerful intimacy on the physical level. Moreover, if the woman gets pregnant, both partners do not feel as free to decide to get separated, get married, go to work, and so on.
- Our non-sexual relationship encouraged us to be generous with one another instead of being selfish. Sexual relations in dating can lead to selfishness and a focus on self-satisfaction. They can lead people to feel like they are competing with others whom their partner may find more attractive. It fosters insecurity and selfishness, because when you get sexually intimate, the tendency is to ask for more and more.
- My boyfriend and I seldom fought or quarreled. Sex outside of marriage is associated with violence and other forms of abuse. For example, there is more than twice the physical aggression among couples living together without any commitment than among married couples. There is less jealousy and less selfishness in dating couples who decide to postpone sexual activity than in those who are driven by passion.
- Because we practiced abstinence, my boyfriend and I found new ways to show affection for one another; we used inventiveness and ingenuity to have a good time and to demonstrate our interest in each other. The relationship became stronger as we had more opportunities to get to know each other’s character and habits, and learn the ways to maintain the relationship.
- We have been happily married for 15 years with 6 children and still in love. Research shows that couples who have cohabited are more likely to divorce than those who have not cohabited.
- My girlfriend who decided to break off the relationship with a guy with whom she had been having sex, but who was abusing her and taken her virginity was very hurt and humiliated when the guy went to town bragging about how many time he had her and so on. When sex is involved, break-up and the resulting pain is more intense. When you have not been sexually intimate and decide to break up, the separation is less devastating.
- Most importantly, my boyfriend and I had a lot of confidence in ourselves while we were dating; the reason was that we could look each other in the eye without the guilt and shame that sexually active people often have. Our sexual restraint enhanced our intellectual, artistic, and social potential as we put all that creative energy into developing our talents and our marriage today.