How I Lost My Virginity by Coraline Yetunde

9 02 2016

caroline

I started “habitually and compulsively” watching pornography or blue films as it is popularly called and engaging in sex when I stumbled across pornography at 13 years old. At first, I was appalled, but by the time I saw it over and over again, as violent and degrading as it was, I began to see it as love. The two people on the screen are being intimate.  I began to imagine myself in the scene as opposed to standing outside of it looking in.  I was stimulated by the fantasy of being that woman in the video and I began to try out what I watched.

I view online pornography everyday for half an hour or more at a time, and I have done this on multiple occasions and have felt “out of control” with sex, sexting and masturbation. I have had sex with about 57 men and none of my relationship ever lasted for more than a month. Simple things like a guy’s hairy chest or the outline of his trousers can trigger intense sexual desires in my head and at times masturbate five or six times a day. It is that bad.  I am 43 and unmarried and I really don’t know who will marry me. I have had four abortions and I have had to treat myself  5 times for severe sexual transmitted disease.

All in all, I suffer severe depression and know I would have remained a virgin till marriage but for the availability of online pornography. Pornography has almost ruined my life and yet it is everywhere. It used to be sold discreetly behind the counter or some obscure bookshops, now, millions of websites are offering the most depraved hardcore graphic and lurid sex scenes a click away on any smartphone with internet connection bringing in its wake an unprecedented obsession with sex building up some brutal and unattainable sexual desires which guarantee that they easily succumb any temptation to have sex with almost anybody. Actually, if you are watching pornography, you don’t need a guy to tempt you into having sex. You are practically going to be begging for it.

I recently came across the video of Oghosa Ovienrioba Speaks on how she got addicted to porn at 14 and her work helping others to kick the habit.

She says, “Lots of people don’t think girls can suffer a porn addiction but it’s a problem for both sexes. I hope I can help others out there – talking about your problem is the first step.’

‘I was 14 years old when I went to find porn on the internet. It was out of curiosity and it was just a simple Google search for me to get hold of an adult movie.‘When I first watched it, my reaction was shock. But gradually over time, that shock becomes excitement and I would use any porn that I could get my hands on.’

‘I was watching it so much that I started to get bored by the “normal” soft porn movies.

‘I wasn’t getting the buzz that I felt when I first saw it – in fact I was almost desensitized to that content.

‘I went from watching soft pornography to dodgier stuff to get the kick I needed.’

‘For a period of two to three years, I was watching porn on a daily basis and sometimes masturbating over six times per day. It was all I could think about.’

‘I didn’t see people as people anymore – they were just sex objects to me.

‘The simplest things could set me off such as a girl unbuttoning her blouse or a boy taking his top off. Everything made me want more.

‘I would sit in my room alone for hours, with the lights off, watching porn. I felt lonely and ashamed of myself.’

Please watch her talk about her porn addiction in the 10 min video below

It is not just her, many guys wish they could stop right now but the urge to watch porn and masturbate are just too much for them Read

To understand harm watching pornography does to your brain, please download and read the Porn Circuit

Although much attention is focused on helping men break free from pornography addictions, ministries are rising up to help women find deliverance from this bondage. Beggar’s Daughter, Bethesda Workshops and Dirty Girls Ministries, among others, are offering God’s grace to women trapped in sexual sin. If you or a woman you know is addicted to pornography, I urge you to seek help.


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7 responses

10 02 2016
SheryL♥

I almost fell off the cliff of porn addiction but thank God I found something to hold on to.
Great post! 🙂

10 02 2016
Editor

Thanks, Sheryl Love, it is widespread epidemic wrecking lives of many. Hard to believe, but porn is responsible for significant percentage of mental illness among young adults

10 02 2016
SheryL♥

How terrible! It’s sad to know that a lot are inclined to it. 😦

9 02 2016
Pat

i really nid help in this..i am a 24 femaĺe virgin i have this problem

9 02 2016
Editor

Hello, Pat, thanks for sharing your problem with us. Porn is hard to quit because it is addictive. It releases dopamine and other chemicals in our brain to turn us into compulsive user.

1. First step is to pray and ask God to help you be determined to quit, because you know you are better than that. People who it difficult to relate in real life are into porn find, they can’t have any meaning ful relationship because they are consumed by porn.

2. Second, get rid of all porn in you phone, computer, and delete all links. Internet pornography is likely the greatest source of porn temptation for people today. WiFi access is everywhere and laptops and mobile devices make porn access a click away. Many therapists agree that Internet accountability software is one of the most effective ways for a person to protect themselves or their loved one online. Accountability software monitors how the Internet is used and delivers a report to trusted friend, spouse, or mentor

3. Work hard, study, pray, play sports. Simply avoiding porn isn’t the only answer. New positive activities are needed

4. Guard your eyes: When you see something on the internet or bill board that looks like porn, Close your eyes or look away. It is hard, but with practice you will get it right. You need a reason to act this way, do it for God to make you rich or bring you a marriage spouse. This way you will have a good reason to persevere.

5. When pornographic memories come, don’t dwell on them, get up and do something else. Fantasizing about porn and sex equates to “using it,” or practicing the very thing you are hoping to avoid.

6. Find a good spiritual director to speak with about your problem. He may be a priest of an elder, parent or someone you trust has good moral principles and is in a position to guide you.

7. Be vigilant so that you don’t fall again. Simply going to bed on a regular schedule to get a good night’s rest can help one’s brain be more focused on positive habits and more alert to fight temptations. Not only eating but also eating well can improve mood and feelings of wellbeing. Regular exercise keeps the mind more focused, the body feeing great, and improves sleep.

8. A person who is committed to escaping porn’s trap will need to set goals
You can try the “Free yourself from Porn in 90 days” exercises given in this book, Porn Circuit (Page 29-to page 47)
“90-day goal in which porn and masturbation are to be
cut off.”

9 02 2016
joseyphina

I knew the effects were damaging but I have never read someone’s account being so devastating. Thanks for sharing and I hope those dark moments are in the past now.

9 02 2016
Editor

Thanks for your comments Joseyphina. Sadly, many deep in porn end their dark days in the morgue, having succumbed to the destructive forces of venereal diseases.

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