10 Benefits of Remaining a Virgin till Marriage by Nancy Hanna

31 01 2016

wedding romance

With so many sex movies and sexual images all around, girls are under pressure from their boyfriends to have sex. They can no longer wait till marriage. Are you pressed to have sex before you marry?  Here are 10 benefits of waiting till you marry to have sex.

  1. Sex is a powerful force that can destroy if not used properly. Like atomic power, sex is the most powerful creative force given to man. When atomic power is used correctly it can create boundless energy; when it is used in the wrong way it destroys life. Sex is the same kind of powerful force. Sex is a gift from God to give us the greatest pleasure, to help in creating a deep companionship with one’s spouse and for procreation of the next generation. But if you play with this powerful force outside the bounds of marriage, it destroys you and those close to you.
  2. Sexual activity for young people arrests their psychological, social and academic development. Studies show that when young people engage in premarital sex, their academic performance declines and their social relationships with family and friends deteriorate. This is because adolescents are too immature to deal with the explosive sex drive and it tends to dominate their life.
  3. The majority of women cannot enjoy sex outside of the bonds of marriage. The development of a fulfilling sex life needs the security and peace of the marriage bond. Premarital sex usually takes place sneaking around in hidden places dealing with the fear of being caught, the fear of pregnancy and feelings of guilt. All these (worrisome) factors undermine pleasure in premarital sex, most especially for women.
  4. Virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life, the person you committed yourself to stay with forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to give to your spouse. Once you lose it, nothing in the world can bring it back. Don’t lose something so precious in a thoughtless way.
  5. Those who engage in premarital sex run a high risk of contracting one of the many venereal diseases rampant today, as well as losing their fertility. Not just AIDS, but other common disfiguring diseases like herpes have no cure.
  6. Some venereal diseases have no symptoms and many couples discover many years later that they became infertile because of these diseases. Infertility experts estimate that 80% of today’s infertility is due to venereal diseases contracted before they married.
  7. The best and only method that guarantees 100% against AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases is to wait for marriage to have sex and maintain fidelity in your marriage.
  8. Premarital sex breaks the 10 Commandments given by God. The 10 Commandments are given to man by God to make man happy. They are not outdated and they are not restrictive. If we follow these laws, we can create happy and prosperous lives. If we don’t follow them, we will pay a heavy price in divorce, disease, abortions, illegitimate children and loneliness. Modern men make a big mistake when they think that they can break these eternal laws and not suffer consequences.
  1. Premarital sex runs the risk of conceiving illegitimate children. Numerous scientific studies show that the children of single mothers suffer psychologically and are less successful socially and academically than children from intact families. Above all, children need both their father and their mother. It is wrong to risk having children who will never have their father’s love, protection and care.
  2. If you date and you don’t have sex, you can forget about that relationship when you stop dating. But if you have sex with those you date and then break up, the nature of sexual involvement creates strong, often unpleasant memories for your whole life. Every relationship you break up where you had intimate relations is like a mini-divorce. The psychological difficulties of these mini-divorces does damage to your character. Later, when you are married and go to bed with your beloved spouse, these unpleasant memories will accompany you.

True love waits. If a boy or girl truly loves you, they will want the best for you. They will not want you to suffer fear of disease, unwanted pregnancy and the psychological difficulties of premarital sex. They will want to experience love with you only in the very best place of all – the love nest of marriage.

 





Sex outside your Marriage is a sham by William G. White

5 06 2015

Sex outside marriag

What are some of the common misunderstandings of sexuality in marriage that can lead to unhappiness, alienation and even divorce, and how can they be avoided? I’m sure you’ve heard the statistic that more than fifty percent of marriages fail. And yet among certain couples who order their marriages in a certain way—that is, without contraception—the divorce rate is closer to two percent. Why such a dramatic difference?

I know a college professor who has been telling her students for years that if they do four simple things, yet still get divorced, she will pay them one thousand dollars—and no one has yet tried to collect on the wager. The four conditions are: 1) chastity before marriage, 2) daily family prayer, 3) weekly family attendance at church and 4) no contraception.
Regarding the first condition, as people in love know, chastity before marriage—that is, abstinence from sexual intercourse and from other intimate sexual contact—is not easy. Fallen human nature has its own biological imperative, and it doesn’t like to wait around for the marriage ceremony. Physical intimacy is a great and wonderful gift from God, meant to glue husband and wife together, to bind them to each other so that they are much less likely to drift apart. I strongly encourage you, after you are married, to express your love for each other as often as you possibly can in the marital embrace, subject to mutual respect and the demands of daily living. This wonderful act of self-giving is both a sign and a reconfirmation again and again of the commitment that you will have made to each other in your marriage vows. Some have argued that, because of the physical pleasure involved, sexual intercourse is a selfish act and should be strictly limited or used only for the purpose of having children. This is not a Catholic understanding of marriage. St. Thomas Aquinas once replied to the question “whether there would have been sexual pleasure in Paradise if Adam and Eve had not sinned,” that sexual pleasure in Eden would have been greater because of freedom from concupiscence. The union of man and woman in marriage is a great good, and the marital act is an expression of that union. In its essence it is specifically an unselfish act, an act of self-giving. Although, as sinners, husband and wife may at some times treat each other with less than perfect love, or even with unkindness, cruelty or exploitation, the essential nature of the marital act is not exploitative but nurturing. Its fruitfulness extends not merely to the begetting of children, but to a mutual “begetting”—a mutual giving of life and its increase by the spouses to each other. Traditionally the Church has viewed sexual union between husband and wife not as a mere pleasure to be indulged in only rarely and reluctantly, but as a “debt” that each owes to the other, a debt the payment of which should not be withheld without serious cause.
On the other hand, sexual intercourse outside of marriage is a completely different matter. Yes it’s fun, it’s pleasurable, it even seems to bring you closer. But it’s really a sham. And I think, deep down in our hearts, we really know that. It’s the pleasure without the commitment, the attempt to feel oneness without the vow that makes you one. Studies show that couples who co-habitate before marriage have less stable marriages and a higher divorce rate.
What if you’ve already gone down that road? Well, whether you call them mistakes or sins, we all make wrong decisions. To be a Christian is not to be perfect all the time. It is falling and, with the help of God’s grace, getting up—over and over again, if necessary. If you have already engaged in intimate contact, it’s not too late. Many people now are discovering the beauty of what is called “secondary chastity,” that is, striving anew to live lives of abstinence from sexual intimacy. Of course, it isn’t easy. Those bodily urges are still very much in the picture. It will be necessary to avoid temptations, like being alone together in certain situations. It will require changing some of the patterns of relating to each other in physical ways; giving up those things that stir up passion like certain kinds of dancing, kissing, staying out too late, etc. It will require real self-sacrifice, but it will be a great preparation for the self-sacrifices that will be needed in marriage. It’s also a great preparation for withstanding temptations to infidelity that may come along later. What a wonderful wedding gift for an engaged couple to give each other: to recommit themselves to sexual purity for the sake of their love for each other!
It’s also important to avoid excessively long engagements. As the father of adult children, I know that education is important. But too often, I think, parents are so insistent on education and material security that they urge their children to postpone marriage too long. It’s not a good idea to rush into marriage, but it can be an equally bad idea to be too afraid of marriage. If you are unsure of whom you want to marry, don’t make a hasty decision. But it is not necessary to have a house in the suburbs and two new cars before you marry. Prolonged engagements almost inevitably lead to sexual temptations; or, to put it in a more positive light, your commitment to chastity can be a great motivator to clear away the fear and the anxieties that are keeping you from an early wedding. When you are yearning to be one with the person you love, material security seems just a bit less important. I suggest that you strive for a good balance of natural and supernatural prudence.
So that’s the first of the professor’s four conditions: chastity before marriage. The second and third, daily family prayer—together—and weekly family Mass—together—are simply ways of living the truth that we are not alone. Marriage, to be happy, must be holy. We cannot carry by ourselves all the burdens, the stresses and the temptations that will test us. We need Christ not only in our individual spiritual struggles, but also in this most intimate, most holy, most joyful—and most difficult—relationship.
What about the fourth condition, no contraception? Why not? Now we get back to the nuptial meaning of the body. If the body has meaning, if the acts of the body “say” something, what do they say? What, specifically, does the marriage embrace say about total self-giving, which a couple promises each other in their wedding vows? The marital act says three essential things that flow inexorably from the very definition of marriage and from the nuptial meaning of the body: fidelity, permanence and openness to life.
1. Fidelity. I see couples here, not triangles or quadrilaterals. Polygamy is not marriage. It is not total mutual self-giving. You cannot give yourself totally to one person if you are trying to give yourself to someone else at the same time. That’s pretty clear to most moderns, although many people are confused about what has been called serial monogamy, or the practice of having several spouses in succession. But that brings us to the second of the three intrinsic conditions of marriage.
2. Permanence. Marriage lasts “until death do us part.” There is no hidden clause in the wedding vow about “until death do us part (unless we get divorced).” It’s really simple: until death do us part, period. Now “simple” does not necessarily mean “easy.” Simple things are often the most difficult, because we cannot weasel our way out of them. Why does marriage have to be life-long? Why is divorce impossible? You notice I say that divorce is impossible, not that it’s wrong. It’s simply impossible. Why? Once again, as always, total self-giving! “Total” does not mean “for now,” or “until things get tough,” or “until I find someone else.” Total means always. If it’s not for always, it’s not marriage.
Now we get to the hard one, or at least the hardest one for us moderns to understand. I really think it is the easiest one to practice, much easier than “fidelity” and “permanence.” The third essential, intrinsic, without-which-no-marriage is:
3. Openness to life . This element is so important that, like the first two, without it there simply is no marriage. A couple who try to marry with the positive intention of avoiding ever having children have an invalid marriage, that is, they really are not married at all. If they are open to having children, they don’t necessarily have to be able to have children. The elderly or the infertile, for example, can contract a valid marriage, as long as they are willing to accept the children God sends them, even if that may be only remotely possible. And even those who plan to have children someday may not use contraception. If they must postpone children, they may do so only through natural means.
But why? Why is openness to life considered so important? Again, it’s a matter of total mutual self-giving. When a man and a woman promise themselves to each other in marriage, they promise every dimension of themselves—not just their bodies, but their minds, their affections, their decision-making, etc. But fertility, or fruitfulness—the ability to conceive and bear children—is not just a physical attribute; it is part of our very personalities. It is one of those essential aspects of ourselves that we give away when we marry. This capacity to procreate, to participate in God’s act of love in creating a new human person, does not belong to us as individuals; it belongs to our husband or wife. A wife gives to her husband her capacity to be a mother to his children; a husband gives to his wife his capacity to be a father to her children. This most intimate and essential part of our very selves is a gift we have given away to our spouses. This fruitfulness is a sharing in the image and likeness of God, in a way that no other creature can do. Lower animals can reproduce, but they cannot procreate, i.e. bring into being a new person. Only human beings, in a voluntary act of love, can participate in God’s act of creating a new immortal soul. Not even the angels are made so perfectly in God’s image.
The total gift of self, which husbands and wives promise each other in their wedding vows, is made real in each expression of love in the marital embrace. If that sacramental sign—that making real—of the covenant of marriage is distorted by contraception, it is falsified; it loses its meaning. It becomes a lie.
Even if husband and wife mutually agree to this truncation of the full meaning of the marriage act, they are simply agreeing to lie to each other. Their bodies speak an irrevocable truth, the truth of total self-giving, yet with contraception the couple denies the true meaning of what their bodies are saying. With their bodies they say, “I give you everything I am and will ever be,” but contraception adds, “but not my fruitfulness. I do not give you my power to be a father or mother. I do not give you myself as a procreator with you and with God of a new human soul. I refuse you this most sacred and central dimension of my being. I refuse to be the father or mother of your child. And I reject your gift of self; I reject your power to be the mother or father of my child.” Their act becomes an act not of mutual self-giving, but of mutual exploitation, of merely using each other for pleasure. It is really no wonder that such marriages become strained and weakened, often fatally so.

William G. White, M.D., is a family physician who lives with his wife, Cathleen, near Chicago. They have seven children and nine grandchildren





Sexually Active Girls’ Lament: Why didn’t I Wait? By Laura Vanderkam

19 09 2013

Sexually Active Girls' Lament: Why didn't I Wait? By Laura Vanderkam

Teens searching for beach reading this summer may have trouble finding Judy Blume’s young adult novel, Forever, about “the first time.” For 28 years, Blume’s novel has landed on library watchdogs’ lists of most-banned or challenged books.
Its sin? Not the laughably clinical descriptions of the teenage heroine’s sex life. Rather, young Katherine has the gumption to have sex without getting pregnant or diseased. Worst of all, she generally enjoys it.

Blume never intended to write of sex without consequences, however. Katherine suffers plenty when her love affair ends in a mess of tears, screaming and the knowledge that “I’m not ready for forever.” In fact, Blume later published a letter from a 17-year-old girl named Kim saying that “After reading Forever … I only wish I had read it sooner. Maybe I would have held off when it came to sex.”

Such thoughts should give parents pause, particularly this time of year, according to a study last year in the Journal of Marriage and Family, is the most common month for teens to lose their virginity. Warm weather and free days turn thoughts horizontal. Now the Heritage Foundation leaps into this mix of fumbling and hormones with a new study claiming that sexually active teens, particularly girls, are far more likely to be depressed or attempt suicide than their virginal friends.

Correlation is not causation, but there’s enough of a link between teen sex and depression to draw nods from most young women I’ve shown this study. Savvy girls know about avoiding pregnancy and diseases, but many have no idea of the emotional minefield they are stumbling into. Lost in the debate on abstinence-only sex ed vs. “comprehensive” contraception information is the idea that girls should hear about sex’s possible emotional consequences. It may not change many minds, but even decisions made with the lights off are better made with one’s eyes open.

America’s wars over what to tell teens about sex have raged for years. The Bush administration has lined up on the side of abstinence-only programs, which try to frighten teenagers into self-control by hyping the risks. But any teenager with half a brain knows how to purchase condoms or visit Planned Parenthood for birth-control pills. Some more liberal groups, on the other hand, seem to believe that all the teenage soul needs is a list of contraceptive failure rates and a box of condoms on the school nurse’s desk.

Heritage touts an abstinence-only agenda, but its study hints that there’s another side to the issue, apart from morality or physical health. Its analysis of thousands of survey responses found that a full quarter of sexually active girls ages 14-17 said they felt depressed a lot or all of the time in the past week, compared with 7.7% of virgins. (Only 8% of sexually active boys reported much depression.) More than 14% of sexually active girls had attempted suicide in the previous year, compared with 5.1% of their non-active peers.

Perhaps depressed teen girls have sex to feel better. Other risk factors, such as drug use or broken homes, may correlate more closely with depression than sexual status. And some particularly healthy girls weather sex without a hint of the blues.

But many researchers who study adolescent depression speculate that something about dating is toxic to girls’ health. “It puts girls in an inherently low-power situation,” notes Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, author of Women Who Think Too Much.

While adult women may have sex solely for pleasure, few teen boys are considerate-enough lovers to guarantee their partners a good time. So when teen girls have sex, it’s because there’s a relationship, or so they think. And boys with surging hormones will say nothing to dissuade them. Consequently, girls become more emotionally invested than their partners.

“They ruminate on ‘what did he mean by that’ or ‘am I making him happy,’ ” Nolen-Hoeksema says. “This churning of thoughts is associated with depression.”

And that’s before the love affair fizzles like a summer firecracker. If girls are more invested, they have a harder time healing. Sex just deepens the wound.

Sex-ed programs rarely tell girls about rejection, depression or about the isolating and enraging after-effects of adults dismissing their pain as “puppy love.” Because I switched schools frequently as a teenager, I sat through five different sex-ed curriculums. Eventually, I noticed a theme. People would say, “Don’t have sex; you’ll get pregnant,” but no one said, “If you have sex, you may wind up with your heart broken.” People said, “Don’t have sex; God doesn’t approve,” but they never said, “You’ll have a lot of sex in your life, so why risk depression by sleeping with a teenage boy who, let’s face it, won’t have the love-making skills of Don Juan?”

Instead, adults focus on mechanics or commandments, leaving girls searching through the popular media for information about the possible emotional consequences of their decisions. And because pop songs, chick flicks and magazines sell copies by toying with the teen desire for intimacy, they seldom show its down side.

Girls deserve to hear there is one. They deserve to hear that their psyches will suffer more than their boyfriends’ from rocky relationships. And while they may believe as Judy Blume’s heroine does that their love affairs will last forever, chances are that they won’t.

Such news won’t change many minds. Hormones, the melodrama of adolescence and the desire for intimacies to ponder during the tedium of math class trump the boring things parents and teachers say.

Still, young women facing the eternal stretch of summer should hear that a National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy survey found that nearly three-quarters of sexually active teen girls wished they’d waited longer — even if love songs and the beach blanket are calling.

Laura Vanderkam, a New York-based writer, is a member of USA TODAY’s board of contributors.








%d bloggers like this: